Taking the Long Road

Well. I'm feeling better by the day. Certain things feel hard like always but I can feel improving. I see I'm growing on certain things, struggling on some. Feels good when you see something is finally happening - that you have had the courage to stand up the the lesser image of yourself and claim the higher ground. There's still much to do, much areas to cover before I'm "done". We are never done but.. in some sence for some time.

So. I've discovered I can do things for myself. I can do things that are hard, that dont always feel nice, but I can do them and not get caught in the feeling of being powerless infront of those things. When I was younger I had such a low tolerance for so many things. I still got hard views on some things and I still say my peace - but I can control the way I react. Or just let things be, if I see they are not in my hands.

I can only make a difference to myself - seems I have come to terms with that truth more than ever.

It feels good to obtain the power you always wanted but was afraid to claim.

Christmas is coming and for the first time in agess I'm really waiting it. No extra hussle and fussle. Just me, my friends and loved ones. I'm spending this christmas without my son, but I think it is a small gift for me. I have't been able to spend a nice, relaxed christmas since he was born, because I have had to travel between this and that relative or even people I hardly know. I'm more of a home person. And this time, I get to spend it just like that.

Aahh.