Where the Secrets Flow

Turn it. Turn it. Turn it. Stare at it. Decipher it. Imagine it and search for it.
I am holding my heart in my hands and holding it too violently. If I dont see it now, if I can't catch it now will it be forever lost? Inside the chambers, outside these veins, moves a darker power now, something I've been hunting for - the Truth.

It aint easy and it doesnt solve anything in a fast way like we always want and wait. Truth sets us on fire and it burns slowly. It's a long torment, but oh so necessary. I'm asking myself questions like I have always done, but this time I'm trying to ask all the questions I've been avoiding as far as I can remember.

I have to choose. I have to choose if I will live though these things. I have to ask myself, if I will be that brave. I know I'm not, but I will burn something else in the process than my bravery. I wont name what it will be. It will be what it shall be, simple as that.

The questions that I'm asking regard many things. Myself, my relationships, my ability to stay true to my nature, without braking any laws or my own virtues. The kind of things, that you really can't share with anyone, things you cannot get advices in. These are the matters of heart, dark and temptating, violent and pure. The things that stories are made of.

Well.. I know myself pretty well, comparing to many others, but I have been thinking, if knowing one self can be a hindrance to myself? It could cripple my attempts at many things if I know I'm not likely to succeed. This I need to ponder too. Also, I know what I want and I want it very strongly. But will my depression hold me down? Or my mania feed my crave too much? How to draw a line between those too? I could spend hours and hours doing things, it's only after a great deal of selfcontrol that I can stop doing something, and sometimes I can't get nothing done. Including rising to meet the day.

So this way, asking question I will squeeze my heart untill it tells me the Truth about myself.