The Damage Dealer

You throw a word here and there. Snap one that way, whisper one this way. Suddenly you realize you've been saying things without knowing what they mean and that someone always listens what you say and think they know what you meant. Can't I open my mouth and say things, that I say without feeling constantly tracked down?

I sometimes say things I dont mean in the way others see them. I can't shead light on some things I do, since I hardly keep track at myself every minute. I act, I speak, I stay silent, I stay still. These are random thoughts. They fly in and out and I've been thinking I should investigate them more thoroughly by writing them down. I've been way too silent for my own good. Agues what I really mean by this, is, that there are alot of things I need to say - although I am quite uncapable of saying due to my own cowardice. I'm human, live with it.

So I should speak more. With more sincerity. With more intensity. With more weight than the words that unintentionally slip though my lips. I like to make you all think I'm okay. And I am not. But I'm working on it - slowly. And trying to keep all the pieces in my hands at the same time as I'm jugling on the cords of my heart. It aint easy, it is painfully slow. But I will get there, with the pieces intanct. This time I wont give up.