Bend and Brake

Times are changing. Times are different from what they were. Time will slip by and leave me on the shore, most likely, like they always have.
Well, there are alot of options open and alot of different decisions to make at this time - but I feel reluctant to make any. I'm slipping and sliding across several thoughts, all swarming my head in a way it gets hard to concentrate. What should I do? What should I pursue? Will it suit others, should it? I know, that answer to that will be solid no, but I still have to live by some rules that the society puts on me. Don't I?

Mostly I'm worried I'm not letting myself even try. I fear I will bend and brake when I should just bite my tongue and swallow and follow through the things that I wish to do. So yes, I'm living in a constant fear of failure. Not a foreign feeling for anyone, I'm sure. But me, well.. I should be just so strong and good and all that crap, that I could be everything I want to become in order to succeed in life. Then why all the stress? Am I depressed? Should I find out? I feel like in a great wheel that keeps turning whether I'm ready for it or no.

Am I doomed to be the eternal dreamer that I have been up to this point? With all the potential in the world, and with the work ethics of an sloth? Or no, I'm dishonoring sloths. They are pretty industrious and hard-working sorts. It takes alot of courage to crawl with those silly claws to the river to swim with all the wildlife wanting a piece of your ass, when you hardly can fight for yourself. Only a man can be called lazy, after all.

So, can I become, what I want to be? Can I do it .. This time.